Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
