question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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