i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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