so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
