I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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