Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
