You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
