hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
