literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
