4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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