I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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