Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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