Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
