what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
