Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
