never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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