The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
