dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
