2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
whose parrot is this?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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