Can i not drive my cunt home
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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