just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
