Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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