I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
