i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
