I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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