i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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