I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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