she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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