i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
