Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you had me at cake vodka
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Randomize
