I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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