he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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