Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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