We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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