I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Someone came in the potted fern
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
