oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
