You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
