She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
