You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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