Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
