My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
