Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
