I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
