I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
