dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
