My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize