singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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