If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
