I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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