hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
