In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
