I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
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I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived