Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.