I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.