It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible