Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
