We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
