oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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