youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
