HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
