I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
