Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
