I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she was so not down for the gang bang
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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