Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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