Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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