I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
