Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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