If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
